dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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