So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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