I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
