Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize