I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
PANTIES FOUND
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