My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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