i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
