before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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