I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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