If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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