the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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