I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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