....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
