kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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