I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
