i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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