If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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