Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
