I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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