the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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