Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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