i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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