I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
