I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I lost the right to judge tonight
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
