Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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