Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
