Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize