I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
