so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i believe in u and ur pee
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
