I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hippo gnu deer
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
