One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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