He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
whose parrot is this?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
