Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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