shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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