I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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