my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
