My girlfriend figured out who you are.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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