Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
