I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
