he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
