I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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