Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
