last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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