Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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