Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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