were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
