What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize