Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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