I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
