im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
