I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The adults are the big ones right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
