once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
