I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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