I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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