Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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