Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You can't just leave with hair like that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
