we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
