I'm drive I can fine osifer
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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