you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Let's paint friendship bongs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
