I wish you could order shots online.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
