Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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