you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
