p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
