Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think i have herpe
just one?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
