tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
