I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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