I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
