there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize