I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
