i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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