sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
